"All Game is Inner Game" is Crap

“All Game is Inner Game” is Crap

I’ve never been a huge fan of inner game — for several reasons. First of all, way too many people take inner game as an excuse to act passively. Instead of approaching, they sit at home reading Eckhart Tolle and doing their chakra meditations, fooling themselves into thinking they are actually making progress with Pick Up. I understand where this comes from: Reading a book on the couch is easy and comfortable, while talking to strangers on the street is a high-stress situation. People being people, they take the easy way out, even if that road leads to nowhere.

The second reason why inner game is crap is this: What passes for inner game material in the Pick Up community is quite abysmal. The aforementioned Eckhart Tolle is a great example of how to become successful as a modern-day guru with a paying following. In terms of intellectual depth and wisdom, the best thing you can say about him is his mass-compatibility. That’s about it, though.

I DO believe meditation can be a good way of de-stressing, and maybe gaining some perspective — but so is taking a walk, or simply spending time in nature; or not checking Facebook 50 times a day. We all want our shiny new toys, and I suspect that in terms of inner game, for most Pick Up guys, meditation is just that.

In short, whoever coined the phrase “All game is inner game” should be dragged out into the street and shot.

That being said, there is clearly an aspect to game that goes beyond simply talking to girls on the street or in the club. But that other aspect shouldn’t entail pseudo-oriental religious practices; if anything, it should bring certain unconscious truths and dynamics to the forefront of your brain, in order to induce a changed outlook on things. No esoteric mumbo-jumbo, just a means of understanding yourself and others better than before.

To show you what this looks like, I will give you a selection of MINDSETS that I think are essential to becoming good at game. Developing these mindsets is what I would argue true inner game is all about. This is not an exhaustive list, just the basics — you will discover more along the way. It is important to keep in mind, though, that reading and thinking about these essential mindsets is just a starting point. They will only become truly ingrained in you if you begin connecting them to certain REFERENCE EXPERIENCES in your own life. You can tell yourself that most women love sex as much as men do, but if that isn’t supported by your own sexual experiences with girls, it remains just a statement, rather than an active mindset forming your reality.

Alright, here we go:

Mindset no.1: You are not a special snowflake (aka the AFC state)

I need to remind myself of this one on a daily basis. Even after all these years, I still catch myself thinking about how the world — and girls in particular — should just go out of their way to accommodate me. But pre-Pick Up, it was even worse: I was constantly condemning girls for not recognizing my great character, my outstanding mind and my emotional uniqueness. “If they just made a move to get to know me, they would see for themselves!” I’d say to myself. “Damn these girls!” It sounds really pathetic on so many levels, but that pretty much summed it up. So if you still have any fantasies left of how great and unique you are, get over yourself. You are probably less unique than you think (just as I was); and in any case, girls will rightfully avoid going out of their way to find out. It’s up to YOU to become a more interesting person and to let the world know about it. Which leads me to my next point:

Mindset no.2: What you currently have is what you deserve (aka the keyboard jockey state)

Essentially, what that means is that the lifestyle you are leading is a direct result of your past decisions. So, if you are a 30-year-old software designer still living in the basement of your parents’ house and not getting laid, face the facts: Ultimately, no one put you in this position but yourself. You chose to become a programmer, in essence choosing technology over other people. You enjoy having your mum still doing your laundry for you. You meet up with your D&D group every Saturday night instead of going to the bar. For the most part, you get what you deserve — all because of the decisions you make.

This all sounds all very obvious, but — especially to most Pick Up guys — it is not. Never will you find a group of people as fond of blaming anyone but themselves. “It’s our brainwashed society!” some say. “It’s the evil feminists! It’s our fathers not teaching us how to be men anymore!” While I even agree with some of the sentiments of these manospheric voices, I will never agree with the unbelievable level of whininess that goes along with it. It’s just a colossal red herring trying to detract from the fact that only you are responsible for your life. That means stop being a victim and start taking action (i.e. start doing game and become a more interesting person in the process).

Mindset no.3: SMV in men is a multifaceted thing

Borrowing a term from Tom Torero and Krauser, sexual market value (=SMV) for men can mean a lot of different things for different guys — and that is a very good thing. Unlike girls, whose primary sexual market value is defined by physical attractiveness, there are tons of ways for men to become more attractive. They can work on becoming more dominant, more leading, more funny, more assertive or even more inspiring. They can get better jobs, find more interesting hobbies, impress others with their cool friends or the girls that are already attracted to them. And of course, they can also become lean and fit and improve their sense of fashion, just like girls do. What I’m trying say is: You have options, and plenty of them. If you don’t look like Brad Pitt, there are numerous ways to make up for that by becoming more charismatic. Is it easy? No. Can it be done? Absolutely.

Mindset no.4: Women love sex

Contrary to popular belief, women love sex — just as much as men do. In fact, possibly moreso. This is tough to grasp for most guys, though, as women never seem to act accordingly. Unlike men, they don’t constantly talk about sex. And unlike men, they don’t oggle every hot piece of ass that walks by. Women don’t watch as much porn, either (or so they claim…). But the fact that women behave differently about sex doesn’t mean they don’t crave it just as much as men! It just means they express that craving differently, usually in an extremely subtle manner — so subtle that 99% of guys don’t pick up on it. But trust me, the signals are there all the time — you just need to learn how to read them. This mindset will feel like a complete shift in reality, once it really sinks in (i.e. once you have gathered enough reference experiences with girls BEGGING you for sex). When that happens, you will naturally ask yourself why the sexes express their needs so differently. And this leads me to my final point:

Mindset no.5: Men and women have very different mating strategies

I will not even attempt to explain this one in detail, as it has such vast implications. There are quite a few books on the subject, e.g. “Sperm Wars” by Robin Baker or “The Red Queen” by Matt Ridley, just to name two. But the base line is that the sexual needs of men and women point in very different directions, even if it isn’t PC to say so. Where men have a natural inclination toward promiscuity (in order to spread their seed), women, at least temporarily, have a stronger inclination toward pair-bonding, in order to secure a safe upbringing for their children. This is more than just a cliche, as this contrast is quite strongly supported by modern research. To make one thing very clear, neither one of these sexual strategies is in itself “good” or “evil”. In fact, moral categories have nothing do with the matter. BOTH of these strategies are completely legitimate ways of nature making sure each sex is doing what it’s supposed to do. So don’t let anyone guilt trip you because of your biological programming. At the same time, try to respect the fact that women are just doing their thing too, so there’s no need to hate. In fact, there are quite a few scenarious where these very different mating strategies can still work in harmony, at least temporarily. And inner game is about understanding these mechanics, so you can seek out these ideal points of contact, to the personal advantage of everyone involved.

Alright, I could go on for a whole lot longer, but I’ll stop at that. I think these are the basics that you need to ingrain in yourself, through EXPERIENCE, to understand where you are going and how to get there as quickly as possible. So resist the urge to put off action. Stop reading, stop meditating and go out there and accumulate those reference experiences! The sooner you start, the sooner you will realize that the best inner game is the product of action first and analysis second, not the other way around.

3 thoughts on ““All Game is Inner Game” is Crap

  1. Good Post. I really don’t understand why Tom Torero is the only person I have ever heard say or write ‘Daygame as Therapy’. His old Boss Andy over at Daygame.com has alluded to everything that Daygame has done for him but….facing your fears, jumping in, taking action….it can have amazing results. In his latest ‘Below the Belt’ Tour (Free talk is on YouTube) Tom mentioned that he’s basically not afraid of and is rather unfazed by stunning women now. That’s some growth.

    I myself notice that when I’m daygaming… and by ‘when’ I mean in the day afterwards and when I’m doing it regularly I mean basically all the time, the imaginary social barriers evaporate because you see every woman as someone you could approach – whether it be in a bar or restaurant or on the street or in the car in traffic next to you. THAT is the therapy we should all be after.

    Then after that don’t do the same mistakes all the time. If you’re not maximizing your phsyique, your dress, your hair, and your entire look, not to mention your professional interests & passions then don’t expect to maximize your possibilities with women. Why would you play a sport and try not to do the best you can in every aspect of it ?

  2. Hi Nicholas,
    as always your article contains a lot of good content, which means there is a lot to comment on. So here – more or less structured – my remarks.

    – Inner game and meditation as an excuse and a shiny new toy. Partly agree. Yes, people like to delay action by reading on fancy stuff only partly related to the goal they have in mind. Yes, there are other things probably just as good for mental health as meditation. (But honestly I cannot judge as I never got seriously into practitioning meditation. But I can infer from what I know about Yoga.)
    But … as you say … inner game in the sense of a) being in a good mood so that you can focus on stuff like pickup and not worry about other stuff b) having the self-confidence, egoism/ruthlessness, and lack of ego, to do the socially-awkward things necessary – like doing a direct day-game-approach -> that takes “inner game”. These are the two main points I would classify as inner game.

    – Now to the points you mention, many of them on inner beliefs easy to “understand” but difficult to accept on an emotional level.
    Mindset #1 and mindset #2 go towards the direction of “self-hate/be-a-man/…”-meme that shines through a lot of your writing. Here I would be slightlly more specific. Sure, there are those people who still have a lot of low-hanging fruits to pick (more sports, more reading, get a hobby, get some basic communication skills, …), but there are also those that for better or worse had a bad start in their “love/relationship” career or c.v. and are therefore still struggling even though “on paper” they look like high SMV-material. If you look at the whole “personal development / pua / time management / quantified self / NLP / toastmasters” nexus of people you actually have a lot of awesome people.

    Put differently: There are so many really boring, plain and average guys with hot girls, you really ask yourself if blaming people personally fully captures the full picture. (Alternatives are bad luck, exagarated demands, non-mass-compatible personality, oneities, …). I think here we are probably not really contradicting each other. It is more about some nuances I miss in your text.

  3. Finally! I was afraid that you had quitted. So good to read you again, and great post as usual. Nice thing to publish all of them at the same time after some silence time.
    Keep it up!

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