Do You Want to Be a Clown or a Cowboy?

Do You Want to Be a Clown or a Cowboy?

If you want to become good at game, you basically have two options — at least according to current Pick Up doctrine:

You can either become a clown or a cowboy.

That’s an easy one, you might think — of course I would rather be a cowboy than a clown! But you’d be surprised: A couple of years back, becoming a Pick Up clown was all the hype. The RSD guys were running around in clubs like squirrels on cocaine, high fiving every girl on the count of three. I don’t care if you rationalize that as “being present” and overcoming social programming — it was just plain stupid.

And don’t even get me started on the Simple Pick Up guys: I mean, I enjoy watching a guy in a Batman costume crouching on a stone pillar, startling girls as much as anyone. I just don’t think it’s anything you should model yourself after if you are serious about hooking up with extremely hot women. Do I really need to explain this? Batman costume…sitting crouched on a stone pillar.

So after this nonsense had gone on for a while, quite naturally, there was a push back in the scene. In order to overcome the clownishness, Pick Up guys now started to act more serious and more aggressive. The ideal now was becoming the alpha or the sigma, i.e. the strong masculine personality that women were truly attracted to. No more clowns – now the cowboys were in charge.

This new archetype came with its own set of gurus. One of the first guys to shed light on this new approach was Paul Janka. Another famous representative is Rollo Tomassi. And the guy who probably took the matter the farthest — and eventually way too far — was of course, Julien.

It should be pretty obvious which of these two approaches I see as the most successful. In general, women value a strong, self confident guy over a clown any given day. That doesn’t mean the cowboy option comes without its own set of problems, however. In fact, it can be become highly problematic….

The sad truth is, most guys who start Pick Up come from a position of weakness. For many years — sometimes even decades — it was tough to get the attention from women that you craved. It’s easy to make fun of a guy for that, for being so dependent on that female attention and not getting it, but it’s not exactly trivial. Trust me, I’m not making fun of you —I’ve been there and it felt horrible. It is only natural to want to be wanted, and only people who are already getting plenty of attention will dismiss that. Ignore those people.

But at the same time, be very careful when you set out to become a cowboy, to finally get that female approval. What almost always happens, you see, is that guys go completely overboard. After years and years of emotional punishment for displaying weak personality traits, guys suddenly switch gears and become almost comically alpha. They walk around like John Wayne on his way to a saloon shooting. They don’t agree with anyone, on principle. They stop sitting in chairs, and simply lounge instead from then on. They never pay for anything because that’s what a provider would do. And so forth.

I mean, I get it. You want to get away from what you used to be, which is a good thing. But turning yourself into this strained version of a strong man will only take you so far. Yes, you will get some girls to sleep with you. But it’s going to be a certain type of girl: very young, inexperienced and easy to impress; in short, a weak girl. A girl you’ll feel you can handle, because relatively speaking, you are strong enough for her now. Congrats, caricature John Wayne — you discovered a way to have sex.

I mean, I WANT you to sleep with tons of girls (if that is what YOU want); but I don’t want you to settle for sub-par encounters because of a sub-par model of game.

Oh, I can hear it already: “So what, dear Mr. Drillman, do you want me to do? I just discovered sex, and I think it’s amazing. Let me repeat that — AMAZING. And now you can’t shut up, from over there on your high horse, how this is not it?! Seriously?! Tell me otherwise, or else take a hike. Better, fall off that horse.”

Fair enough — but there is a better way. Read on.

The missing ingredient

So we don’t want to turn into clowns, because while girls tend to be amused by clowns, they don’t usually sleep with them. However, you don’t want to become a caricature cowboy, either, even though a few girls will fall for this. But oh, the strained self-importance! The lurking insecurities below the surface! You will become so predictable in your responses, you will bore everyone around you stiff, especially true high-value girls who have seen it all before.

Interestingly enough, this is a problem the clown doesn’t have to deal with. Why? Because if you want to be a successful clown, you can’t take yourself too seriously. That is the essence of being a clown: You don’t adhere to most social expectations. As such, the good clown never grows old and boring, as he always behaves unexpectedly.

The cowboy, on the other hand, is a highly restricted archetype. You can cultivate your rebellious “I don’t fucking care” mentality as much as you want — it’s still prescribed and completely foreseeable, albeit mildly attractive.

The solution to this is to introduce an element of SELF-DEPRECATION to the cowboy. If you are able to add that to the mix, your results will eventually go through the roof. It’s simple: The only thing more attractive than a self-confident, masculine and very serious guy is a self-confident, masculine guy who can occasionally undermine his own pompousness by making fun of himself. Believe it or not, that is sexy.

You can take that pretty far, actually. I make fun of myself in set all the time. The critical thing is HOW you do so: Are you doing it from a position of strength and confidence, amusing yourself by oscillating between strength, humor and humility? That‘s attractive and keeps it interesting. Or are you just trying to elicit laughter and get attention? Then you are in clown territory.

Think of it in terms of TV characters: Yes, Clint Eastwood is one tough mofo, and you can rightfully assume that he got his fair share of female attention back in the day; he probably still does. Eastwood is the cowboy archetype incarnate. And in contrast, you have someone like Jim Carrey, who does anything for a laugh — the more extreme, the better. Could you picture him sitting on a stone pillar in a Batman costume, scaring girls? Hell yeah, he is probably doing that right now. Carrey represents the clown archetype to a t.

But then there are also the guys like Hank Moody — and this is what you should strive for: a guy who is self-confident, a guy who only does what he wants; but at the same time a guy who can’t help but make fun of himself — not to entertain others and seek their approval, but to amuse himself and remain somewhat mysterious. Moody’s more intangible persona goes beyond the restrictions of an archetype like the pure cowboy. And THAT, readers, is what women can’t resist — that strength combined with a certain ambiguity, that self-reflective quality. This is what high value women will feel attracted to in a man, as it points to a certain depth and richness still to be discovered. Curiosity will get you the girl – the hint or even the illusion of something more.

If that STILL sounds too complicated, and not clear-cut enough for you, then you’ve got to learn to deal with it. Social interactions aren’t binary code — there are no simple formulas. The magic happens in the grey zones, weighing and measuring every little emotional nuance. The solution is certainly NOT ignoring the subtleties of self-deprecation and focusing on becoming a small town cowboy.

No more yee-haws, please.

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