In my opinion, there are 3 stages to becoming good at Pick Up. Understanding these stages is vitally important to assess where you currently are and where you still need to go.
These 3 stages are:
1. The anxiety stage
2. The shot gun stage
3. The cherry picking stage
Let’s look at these 3 stages in turn.
The Anxiety Stage
This is where 80% of people are. You recently (or not so recently) heard about Pick Up. You read a bunch of theories online and you may have even ordered some books. You are completely excited by the limitless opportunities Pick Up seems to offer, and you constantly want to hear, read, and talk about it, mostly with other guys.
But you are not DOING anything.
And don’t fool yourself: the 2-3 approaches every other weekend, when one of your PUA friends is there to kick your butt – that still counts as “not doing anything.” At this current rate approaching women, you will take 100 years to become good at Pick Up, literally.
I’m not judging. I know very well what it feels like to have a burning desire to learn Pick Up on the one hand and to be rendered completely frozen by approach anxiety on the other. It sucks when you are at that stage.
But it’s a necessary stage. Everybody who wants to get good has to go through it. It’s only settling for it that is so dangerous. And unfortunately, most people do. 80% of people never move past that stage.
The very few who make it though then arrive at…
The Shot Gun Stage
If you ever went to some kind of street or club game meetup by your local lair, you probably saw a few shot gun guys; I’d guess they make up about 15% of the PUA population. And when you first saw them, you were probably awestruck: these guys seem fearless! Within 30 seconds of arriving, they will start opening sets. Most of these sets will go poorly, some very few will hook, but it doesn’t matter: even if they get burned, they will just approach the next set right away.
These guys are the envy of the 80% approach anxiety majority. The shot gun guys are doing what the majority is only dreaming about: they are actually talking to girls and practicing their Pick Up skills. Of course, this is to be applauded. And if you want to get good at Pick Up, there is no way to skip this necessary stage. This is where you learn the skills of the trade because of the sheer number of approaches you accomplish. The quantity is necessary to discern the patterns that make up the courtship process and, in the process, get so familiar with them, you can bend the patterns to your advantage.
But just as with the anxiety stage, there is a danger to the shot gun stage as well: many people at that stage already think they have cracked the code when really, they are still learning. They think that Pick Up should look like what they are doing, mindlessly approaching every girl, as long as she is within a certain age range and not fat. Quite tellingly, these guys also obsess about numbers: “Dude, I got 5 number closes tonight!” – “What, only 5?! I got 10!” Quality doesn’t really go into it though.
Ironically, this is also the stage where many guys turn coach. I’ve seen it so many times over the years, but it still cracks me up. In a perverted way, it even makes sense! I mean, these guys ARE better than the huge mass of approach anxiety guys so they have something to pass on. But it’s the intermediate student fallacy, the guy who can teach the beginners yet doesn’t understand there is still another stage to conquer, and, by his ignorance (and arrogance), fails to do so.
But a very few belie this tendency and make it to the…
The Cherry Picking Stage
The cherry picking stage is where it’s at: instead of running around like a mad man, wildly approaching anything that qualifies as female, you only go for the girls that truly attract you.
Ironically, it could be argued that the shot gun guys do the same thing: they are still so relatively inexperienced with girls that they are pretty much attracted to ANY girl (as long as she is within a certain age range and not fat). Or, to put it more bluntly: they haven’t gotten laid a lot yet, so they still get VERY excited about it every time the chance presents itself…
That eventually changes though: once you have slept with 50-100 women or so (I’m sure it differs for everyone), you start to care less. Sex ceases to be this exciting, life altering experience it used to be. This may sound discouraging at first, but it’s actually a good thing – it allows you to really develop an idea for what kind of woman tickles your buttons, without your judgement being completely clouded by yet another notch on your bedpost. It’s not about the notches anymore at this point because you’ve had plenty of those – it now becomes about what women truly resonate with you.
For daygame, that means you will have to take very, very long walks… Because once you figured out what your ideal woman looks like, it will take a lot of time finding her. On average, I’d say I have to walk around in a metropolis for an HOUR before spotting a girl that fits the criteria (with the exception of gaming in Eastern Europe maybe).
And it doesn’t stop there: just because she is extremely hot doesn’t mean you want to have sex with her. Again, the shot gun guys will not be able to understand this (yet). They would gladly bang her even if she couldn’t utter coherent two sentences in a row… Which is kind of sad, when you think about it.
It’s not even a moral thing: I just simply cannot bring myself to spend several hours of my life with someone I don’t like and respect, even if it’s just about casual sex in the end. I mean the absolute majority of the average seduction process is not spent having sex – it’s spent having long conversations and just hanging out. Would you want to do that with someone you secretly despise? To me, that means that you don’t value your own time very much.
Again, this sounds very judgmental, but that’s actually not my intention. The shot gun approach is a very necessary stage of your development in Pick Up – I spent YEARS in it. But eventually, you have to move past it and adopt a cherry picking style of game to really exhaust your true potential in Pick Up.
Yes, that means getting a lot less notches because you are filtering for extreme beauty combined with a very intelligent and likeable personality. And that is extremely rare. But once you have gotten a taste for this kind of woman, I predict you will have a very hard time going back to the shot gun approach yourself. The quantity simply is not worth it anymore once the quality shows up.
And who knows? Maybe there is still another stage beyond that which I haven’t yet discovered. I almost hope so…