If someone put a gun to my head and asked me: “What is the one thing you need to succeed with women?”, I wouldn’t have to think long – it’s the ability to embrace failure and never stop doing so. Easy to say, hard to do. Let me tell you my story…
When I first started with the whole Pick Up thing, I hardly had any expectations. I readily admitted to myself that I pretty much sucked with girls and that I would like to change that. But, I had one big advantage over other guys: I had already spent a considerable amount of time learning Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. And therefore, I really understood the importance of failure.
See, when you train in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, for the first six to 12 months, you will just get your butt kicked, all the time. That is a necessary stage though, it means you are learning about all the things you SHOULDN’T be doing. After that, it gets better, until you reach the next plateau. Then, the failure phase starts all over again… It’s an ongoing process, but in the end, it only makes you stronger.
So I KNEW that the only way to get good with girls was to talk to TONS of girls and learn from my failures. Just as with Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, no DVD, or online forum, or weekend workshop could make up for that: I knew I needed to fail my way to success.
And so I did. And boy, did I succeed at failing… On some nights, I would talk to 20 groups of girls and not get a single number. I had other guys at the bar watching me and making fun of me while I made an ass of myself. One time, another Pick Up Artist walked up to me and started explaining to me, with a smug face, everything that I was doing wrong. I asked him how many girls he had already talked to that night. When he started mumbling about how he only did ‘party games’, pumping up his state, I just turned to talk to another girl (and failed).
Eventually, my confidence in my method paid off though, as I knew it would. For the first time, I had sex with a girl I had approached at a club. Then, again with another one and then another. After about four months, I started dating several beautiful girls at the same time, not lying to any of them about it. I had my first threesome. Then my second threesome. I picked up a stripper at a strip club and had sex with her and did that again a couple of months later. I had girlfriends of mine setting up dates with friends of theirs, because they also wanted some lovin’ by this Nicholas Drillman guy…
I’m not telling you this to demonstrate what a stud I am (okay, maybe a little…). I’m telling you this to make you understand what happened to me next, so stay with me.
I was on top of the world. For the first time in my life, I had complete sexual abundance, as girls would not stop pestering me for sex. Other people started to notice as well: instead of being made fun of by other guys at the club, I was being approached by them: “Dude, how did you do that?! Can you teach us?” And that’s what I did: I became a dating coach.
Because of the dating coach thing, I started to travel and to give talks. The media in Germany started to take notice of me. Eventually, I got my own little mini series on TV and got featured by several major national newspapers. I even started teaching business seminars about ‘seduction, persuasion and selling’ and trust me, THAT is where the real money is. I had come a long way, but now I was reaping the benefits of my work, big time. Success seemed to be my constant companion.
The problem was, success also completely fucked up my game.
What happened? In short, I became paralyzed by success. I had so many people constantly telling me that I rocked with girls, that I was this invincible Pick Up Artist, that I eventually started to believe that myself. The result: I became AFRAID OF FAILING.
The very thing that had gotten me to the point where I was now, not caring if an approach or a date went wrong, was the very thing I was scared of now. After all, if I was so great at this, how could I fuck up an approach and not get a number? I started to approach less and less girls. When I would, I would pick out less hot girls who were obviously scanning for guys, just to increase my chances of success. I would not go on dates anymore if I didn’t feel like she was totally into me. I had started to avoid failure at any price and my game was rapidly going downhill…
I finally hit rock bottom when I went on a party vacation to Croatia with a natural friend of mine. To give you an idea: he is so good looking that girls will open him on any given night, it’s really something to behold… He is actually not that great at talking to them, but he doesn’t have to be, he just needs to be around. Anyways, he was getting laid left and right and I was even less inclined to talk to a girl, because I didn’t want to look bad in comparison to him. Things had gotten that bad.
After that vacation, I finally admitted to myself that I had gotten afraid of failure. I swore to myself that I would not let this happen again. I began to realize that making an ass of myself, always risking failure, not caring what others think or say, and letting go of false self-images, are all just part of the process, at least as long as you want to keep getting better with girls.
And guess, what? As soon as I had internalized my original mantra again, things got back to normal. No, they got even better. Because I was even more determined to ‘provoke’ failure, by talking to only the hottest girls I could find, running after them even if they were in hurry and on their phone, by talking to them under even the most adverse circumstances. Yes, some of these approaches went wrong, obviously. But some of them also worked out like a charm, and they are among my most cherished moments when it comes to women and Pick Up.
There is no doubt in my mind, whatsoever: if you want to get good with girls, you have to embrace failure and keep doing so. Whoever tells you otherwise is a fool. So beware of ‘gurus’ who claim to have ‘mastered’ the game, and now they can close every model that walks by – they are simply full of crap. Failure is at the heart of game, and the more you embrace it, the more your successes with girls will skyrocket, ironically. Fail your way to success and learn to love it!
Until next time,